Looking for sympathy

When you first met your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, do you think they were attracted to you because you were depressed? Did you strive to be unhappy around them? Did they respect you because of your self pity and broken spirit?

It's unlikely because these are not the qualities or behaviors that people find attractive in a potential girlfriend or boyfriend.

We find the exact opposite attractive... strong, upbeat, friendly, and motivated people are one's that we want to be with in a romantic relationship.

But, in an anguished post break up mental state, we somehow convince ourselves that if we can make our ex feel sorry enough for us they will want to get back together. So, we may act sullen and depressed... wallowing (as dramatically as possible) in our self pity. Or, we may act out - getting very upset and behaving in ways we normally wouldn't (often doing stupid things we regret later) - hoping that our ex will realize just how much pain the break up is causing us and how hard it is for us to live without them.

Basically, we do the opposite of what brought us together with our girlfriend or boyfriend in the first place! While we should be making ourselves more attractive, instead, we pour all our energy into making ourselves unattractive.

If you take a step back and look at what is really happening, it's easy to see that this isn't at all logical or productive. Not only do these self-destructive acts negatively impact your life, it hurts your chances of ever getting them back. The more ridiculous you act, the more sure they become they made the right decision by leaving you.

We turn to desperate and counter productive approaches like this when we feel we have no solid plan, viable alternatives, or available options.

For those who are willing to set their self pity aside there is a better way of getting back an ex. Refuse to sink into negative feelings and behaviors. Depression and self pity aren't helping you get back with your ex, achieve your goals, or create the life you want.


Courtesy Model: Angel

Articles: Common Mistakes
Mood: Tired